On Leaving - Geogirl

The worst things to happen to people in life are not acute but chronic. The things that aren't visible, the stuff that takes place entirely inside yourself. There's no beginning, no point that you can see where it started, but somehow you've reached adulthood having given up on all your dreams. No one tells you straight out that your dreams are impossible, but they don't need to, do they? You get the message loud and clear without ever hearing the words.



When I was young, I wanted two things. One, to be an author, and two, to travel the world. Both were things that I had given up on by the time I hit eighteen--silly dreams, don't you know you need money? But both were also dreams that I couldn't let go of, and so they became things that I beat myself up over. Other people had those things and I didn't. This was surely because there was something fundamentally lacking in my spirit.

A lot of people, when they write about having quit their job to travel the world, talk about how desperately unhappy they were at a nine-to-five, but in all honesty I was happy enough there. I liked my job, my boss, and my co-workers, and I had fun there. The commute was soul-crushing, but if I'd stayed I could have moved. It wasn't that bad, there was just that little sense that I had given up on myself.

I probably could have gone my entire life without adventure, going to work and going home, and I would have been okay, and maybe sometimes that's the best that you can hope for. But an opportunity came knocking, and I could not stop myself from lunging after it with both hands.

My best friend was going. She had that desperation, that need to see the world that some people get, and I--well. Best friends don't grow on trees. Also, adventure--how hard could it be if she was at my side?

The answer, as usual, is that nothing is as hard as people pretend it is. When people talk, they talk about difficulties--what if you get lost, lose your money, get injured? What if you don't like it, you want to come home, and it's not what it's cracked up to be? How great could travel really be?



...Pretty goddamn great. Malaysian monkeys, mangrove swamp fireflies, frogs, geckos, salamanders, snakes and sugar gliders--I've seen all of these things. I've pet baby tigers, ridden elephants and fed wild monkeys. I've seen the first church built in Malacca, walked in ancient graveyards, been in mosques and temples, and I've felt genuine wonder at humanity. I've eaten salted duck eggs, green papaya, mangosteen, rambutan, tentacles, longan, squid, morning glory, whole fish, seaweed, dragon fruit, fresh sugar cane juice, and more unidentified things than I'm comfortable shaking a stick at. I liked some and couldn't stand others, but it was all amazing because it was strange and new and wonderful.




It took bravery to break out of my life and nothing more. Many people smarter than myself have said that bravery isn't the absence of fear, but taking action even in the face of it, and I've found that very true. Buying a plane ticket can be the hardest thing you've ever done, but travelling? Travelling is easy.

~Geogirl